oh my word
My baby currently has a crazy two sided thing going on right now. During the day, she’s happy, lovely, adventurous, babbling, eating, loving and she naps. During the night?
I blame teeth. I blame growing. I blame solid food. I blame the weather. I blame our house. I blame me. I blame whatever nasty thing is in her body causing her to wake up and scream for no reason. Well, I’m sure there’s a reason. But all she can do is cry. And all I can do is run down my list of things to try. Rock, nurse, tylenol, new diaper, new pjs, walk around, soothe, etc etc etc until she calms and I can lay her down.
2-3 hours later. Rinse. Repeat.
And I [know] it’s a phase and I [know] it will pass and I [know] that every other mama out there with an infant is going through this exact thing at one point or another. It’s just…
she’s a hard baby at night.
So, let’s focus on the daytime and leave the night for the darkness and the half-asleep zombie memories…
We’re moving in two months. With that comes a host of nervous excitement, stress over the actual planning of the physical move itself, wonder over the future, questioning our decisions again and again, and big BIG dreams of all the great things we’re going to do. For those of you new to the blog, we’re moving in with my parents in mid-May on their farm just outside of St. Louis. We are in a bit of financial straits due to our own screw-ups and a LOT of bad luck (i.e. our insurance refusing to cover my pregnancy/birth….bastards). The goal is to be looking for [hopefully] a place of our own to buy (ideally) or rent by beginning of 2012.
So that’s that.
And I’m [so excited] to be moving back home. And I’m also [so nervous] that my husband is about to uproot everything he’s ever known and move his family 600 miles back to the place his wife desperately escaped over a decade ago.
Funny how things come back around…
Along with the moving preparations, there have been a lot of personal workings around here. There have been some coming to verbal blows conversations around here that have, in the end, been [good] and [needed]. I’m so lucky, you guys, to have a husband who will push me to talk to him and then we fight and then we figure out what the other is trying to say or has been feeling or (mis)understood something and then it’s all good and better than before.
We make a good team, he and I.
I’m lucky in that. And I know it.
Oh I’m just playing mom and wife and trying to figure [me] out. I think back on my pregnancy when I stayed home all day growing a baby and I desperately try to remember what I did all day long. Now, I’m trying to cram learning knitting, sewing or crocheting into 2 hour baby naps while simultaneously thinking about blog posts, design projects and what the heck I’m going to make for dinner. Top that off with fighting feelings of guilt that I do nothing to bring in any money for this family even though Stephen has told me a hundred times that I’m doing [exactly] what I should be doing and how much he appreciates it.
There’s a balance somewhere and I’m still trying to find it. I keep telling myself, after we move, and after the money is under control again, and after you have your own place again, you’ll find it.
Soooo…a year? To find balance?
I shake my head and hope that isn’t the case.
In the meantime, I have an idea for a small craft project but I need your help. If you have any scrap fabric that you would otherwise throw away, I will gladly take it off your hands. I want to craft some things to maybe sell for a little money towards Olivia’s first birthday.
If you are interested in helping me out, email me at tristina.wright at gmail and I can send you my address.
For all the moms out there, what balance are you working to find? Have you found it? What do you do [for you] that helps keep things somewhat in check?