Family

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Last Christmas, when we were faced with some fairly huge decisions regarding Stephen’s job and our future, he and I made four resolutions for 2012:

1. Get Stephen a new, stable job

2. Find a place of our own to live

3. Get me closer to publishing a book

4. Have another baby

Just four things. But Four Big Things.

 

1. Get Stephen a new, stable job

Stephen got in touch with a recruiter here in St. Louis and through him, plus some of his own digging around, secured a handful of interviews with some large and small companies. Every single one of them resulted in a job offer.

Yep, every single one. This is me being extremely proud of my husband.

He accepted one of them and will be working for a company here in town as part of a new department they are starting. The pay is awesome, the benefits will be fantastic once they kick in after the 3 month contract period, and he noted that everyone wore jeans to work when he was there for his interview. Win.

He starts Monday the 13th.

 

2. Find a place of our own to live

We are looking! Now that he has a job and we know what part of town it’s in, we’re looking in the surrounding areas for a place to rent. We’re hoping to find something in the next month or two and be out of my parents’ house by April. It’d be nice to celebrate Olivia’s second birthday in a home of her own.

 

3. Get me closer to publishing a book

The Book is finished. It has been read (or is in the process of being read) by beta readers. I am going through one last time applying feedback from readers and my own tweaks. I will be starting next week submitting it to agents. Fingers crossed, prayers, etc. This is the next biggest step and extremely stressful. I have to convince someone I’m worth taking on as a client because then they have to fall in love with my book and sell it to publishers.

 

4. Have another baby

I’ll turn this one over to Olivia:

Guess What

I'm going to be a Big Sister

In September.

[grin]

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mindset

We bought Olivia a wooden train. It has pegs for colorful blocks to stack and rolls around with the faintest of squeaks. She loves it. She loved it more when she figured out that the blocks could Come Off! and then go Back On! And then Off!

She puts a block on, claps, puts another block on, claps, so on. She looks to me or her daddy for approval. We clap and say, “Yay!” to let her know that, yes, we do approve and this is a great thing you have accomplished.

My baby fever is no secret to anyone who has paid even a half a second of attention to me in the past, oh, six months. I’m so ready for the next pregnancy, the next squishy, the next sibling, next, next.

But then I have these moments with Olivia, the learning, the growing, the development, the snuggles and I wonder if I’m being selfish already looking ahead to the next child instead of focusing on her. Now.

Am I forfeiting future moments such as these because I will be too wrapped up in caring for a newborn? Am I being wrong in wanting to hurry to the next stage instead of relishing the one we are in and just being content?

No matter the answers to these questions (and I know everyone out there has an answer), I do need to learn to be content. My mindset is….jacked.

My mind right now is a tumultuous storm of wants. I want another baby. I want to write this book. I want a house to decorate. I want a garden. I want to make and sell things. And the Want is driving me into a spiral of darkness. I open my eyes in the morning…another morning where what I want seems so utterly far away…

Yes, we are frustrated with having to put pretty much everything on hold to get our financial lives in order again. Yes, we are frustrated at not having a space or a home to call our own – to be living with my parents. Yes, we are frustrated at this, that or the other as they all creep up month after month. And, yes, I get frustrated when people I love announce the next pregnancy with all the joy and happy and elation that comes with it.

However, I can either continue to be frustrated or I can try to be content with my less than ideal situation right now because I know it’s for the better. I know the decision we made was for our future and so we can have those Wants.

The next chapter will happen when it is meant to and we will make it work somehow. If I get pregnant here now in this situation, we will make it work as we always do. If we aren’t able to get a home loan and have to rent again, we will make it work as we always do. If our health insurance doesn’t work out the way we need it to…again…we will make it work as we always do. We have been thrown some pretty amazing curve balls in our time as a family and we’ve weathered all of them. Some may call it luck. Some may attribute a higher power. I nod and murmur and smile and blink back tears.

I really don’t understand the tumble of words that just happened. They needed to get out because I feel wrapped up in self-pity lately and that’s making me a horrible wife and mother.

I need a new mindset.

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I don’t know why fifteen months seems like a Big Deal to me.  But it does.  Not that she’s doing anything different or there’s any sort of explosion of development happening.

However.

OLIVIA IS FIFTEEN MONTHS OLD.

What the what?

I have cheeks for storing things like raisins and small toys

 

Yes, fifteen months.

We have walking.  Full-on, full-bore, screw that slow crawling crap, WALKING.  I’ve seen her crawl maybe twice? in the last two weeks.  Our favorite game is to say, “IIIII’m gonna get you!” and stomp on the ground really fast like you’re running.  She shrieks and toddles away laughing, constantly checking over her shoulder.  Then? She turns around and runs AT YOU.

So you run away.

Obviously.

Toddlby Tag.  It’s the newest sensation.

cuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrlsssssssss

 

She has ringlets.  Perusal of my baby pictures confirms she has my hair.  So.  I love it now and I empathize with her when she’s older and HATE HATE HATES her hair because it’s curly and thick and hot and fluffy and frizzy and hot and hot and HOT.

Right now, the ringlets are adorable as all get out and make for some stellar bed-head most mornings.  I have given up combing her hair except after baths.  It’s useless otherwise.

guacamole finger painting

 

Food.

She eats it.

All of it.

Well, we’ve run across the occasional thing here and there she won’t eat.  She hates lunchmeat or reheated meat of any kind. She’s very picky about meat in general.  She likes it sauced or heavily spiced and shredded or cut up small.  She adores all vegetables and fruits.  She inhales guacamole and salsa like it’s never going to be around again.  She thinks mama’s smoothies are the best treat ever.  Especially through a straw.

Graham crackers are the shizzle.  And the rule is, “One for each hand one for your mouth.” She will not leave until you comply.

She also eats ridiculous portion sizes.  Her little puffed out belly after dinner is hilarious.  But she’s happy and full and healthy so I’m not worried.

She’s also still nursing for naps and bedtime, which is really really nice.  I love the cuddles and the comfort.

Who let this kindergartener in my house?

 

Teeth.

Oh lordy, do we ever have teeth.

The front four on both top and bottom have come in no problem.  However, we have entered the special level of hell known as Molars.  Three of them to be precise.  And they are the worst thing in the whole entire world.  They wake her up at night and spontaneously make her grumpy during the day.  I guess the upside (?) is she wants to cuddle when she’s upset, which is sweet and sometimes she’ll drift off for a doze while cuddled against me.

the cute kills me

 

Her favoritest thing in the whole wide world is to lay on pillows and watch “Rapunzel” (Tangled).  It is, by far, her favorite movie and I’m completely fine with her watching it over and over and over and over and over.

And over.

And over.

If it means less teething crying and the chance for me to do something like write or work on my part-time gigs I’m lining up.  She giggles at the horse, babbles to Flynn whenever he’s on the screen, dances with the songs, and paces around the living room dragging pillows if the mood strikes her.

bukkit

 

She’s not speaking much other than babbling.  She says “mama” and “deedee” (daddy) and “dog dog wooh wooh” but that’s it.  Her babbling is getting more…specific? if that makes sense.  So I think more words are coming at some point.  I’m trying not to be concerned when I hear/see other babies her age speaking a lot more because I know every baby develops differently.  We read to her a lot and she “reads” her books all the time.  She loves Sesame Street and other educational shows like that.  Plus, she’s around four adults who talk to her all the time so I’m not worried.

She definitely understands certain phrases and reacts accordingly.  ”How about we lay down and sleep now?” “Where’s your pacifier?” “Do you want to watch Rapunzel?” “Come get in your chair to eat dinner.” “May I have a kiss?” “Do you want to dance?”

and then I died again from cute

 

She’s an amazing little girl and we are so lucky to be her parents.  And I can’t wait to see what the next few months have in store.

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